My cup overflows.
Verse 5 of Psalm 23 says, You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. The word ‘enemies’ doesn’t only refer to forces outside of ourselves but also to the enemy inside of us or our sinful nature. Lately, I’ve been in a fierce battle with my self and I felt like I couldn’t prevail. I wanted my rights, I held on to past hurts, and I simply found it impossible to take the lowest place. It was so burdensome; I had no peace, and everything looked so dark and so discouraging. I knew it wasn’t the glorious existence I’ve experienced when I learned to humble and deny myself but this time I just couldn’t overcome the giant within. I felt powerless and so unhappy. One night I confessed to my husband that I am at the end of my strength and that I was drowning in my misery. The battle inside was real and God was nowhere to be found. I cried out with all of my heart when my mouth seemed paralyzed and prayer was the hardest thing to do. For the longest time I wasn’t getting any answer and my self seemed stronger than ever and the battle seemed lost. I thought I would never be able to humble myself again because it just isn’t easy and you simply can’t find the strength to trust God again when the battle is so long. Despite feeling like the Bible has lost its power in my life, I opened it and was led to the exact passages that gave me direction when there was no road marker in sight. I kept praying until I was made new. Suddenly, the gentle Shepherd anointed my head with the oil of repentance and my thoughts became His again. It was an absolute miracle! My cup overflowed with the joy that comes only when that ugly, dominant force inside becomes nothing that God may become all. I am at peace now and I am filled with His presence. His love is real again but I need not take it for granted. I need to treasure it and preserve it by abiding in Christ through faithful obedience. God can truly prepare a table for us when we least expect it and how beautiful it is when we experience His power in the midst of the greatest of battles. He is my victory over self!