God turned the thickest darkness into the most brilliant light.
The posts that make up my blog have all been birthed from a powerful experience I had 12 years ago, in 2008. Though I haven’t opened up on my blog in detail about what happened then, I feel compelled to share with you a little account of that experience because it was the moment when my life completely changed forever. Me and my family moved to the United States from Romania during my teenage years and the transition took a toll on me. I often felt lonely and confused, and even though I spoke the language well, I found myself closing off inwardly.
At the age of 19, while studying in the college library, I had a horrifying experience. It all happened very quickly. In a moment, I felt as if the deepest darkness engulfed my life. I suddenly felt taken away from everything beautiful and good in life and it was something I couldn’t explain to anyone. Not even to myself. This was clearly not depression but a severe attack of the enemy to destroy my life but something that God used for my good and for His glory. It was the scariest experience of my life and it lasted about 6 months. It’s hard for me to explain but the experience was so real. Intense fear gripped my mind and heart very often with no logical reason and I felt like I was slowly fading away from the normal world. At times, I would even fear losing my mind and that caused me to cry out to God often. The thick darkness that descended upon my life made me run harder towards The Light.
During that time, God would answer me in miraculous ways by gently carrying me through this traumatic experience while teaching me who He truly was. I knew He could free me but He allowed this to go on for a specific season because He was perfecting this initial chapter of His work in me. After half a year that seemed more like an eternity, God supernaturally delivered me!!! Coming on the other side of that dark tunnel made me realize the love and power of God, as well as His jealousy for our souls. It caused a deep sense of repentance in my life and the strength to acknowledge God as My God and the source of everything good in this life. I found so much joy and peace in Him and I felt as if I was a child again. It was so beautiful! Looking back I am so grateful for this tragic experience because God used it in such a powerful way to draw me completely away from the world and to Himself. He is greater than any force of darkness! He is at work in every aspect of our lives. He loves us with a Holy jealousy and wants us completely set apart for Himself. He definitely has a plan for our lives and fights to bring it to fulfillment. He is worthy of our everything!